The Choice Between Fear and Love

Engaging men and boys in the fight against gendered violence - an update on CARE’s advocacy at the UN.

“ With our conduct we can put fear in somebody or we can put love in somebody.”
 – Teenage boy from Bosnia discussing masculinity and violence.

Here at the 59th Commission on the Status of Women (CSW), we have been excited to hear from our CARE colleagues about their success in engaging men and boys in fighting gendered violence. CSW is an annual meeting that brings all countries (or UN ‘member states’), and thousands of women’s organizations, to the UN Headquarters in New York. Each year, member states negotiate agreements about women’s human rights. These agreements go on to form the basis for laws, policies and programs across the world.

What is gendered violence?

Gendered violence affects men, women, girls and boys. Because violence is always linked to relationships of power and control, it mirrors patterns of dominance that are embedded in society.  Women and girls suffer disproportionately from the impact of violence because women and girls usually have less power than men, both inside and outside of the home. People with disabilities, or people who are marginalized because of their ethnicity, sexuality or age are also disproportionately impacted by gendered violence.

Our colleagues, Josee Ntabahungu1 (CARE Burundi), John Crownover2 (CARE Balkans) and Milkah Kihunah3(CARE USA) were featured on several panels focused on engaging men and boys. Both member states and civil society organizations showed a strong interest in this topic, filling every chair. Josee, John and Milkah shared some incredible stories about engaging with men and boys. They all emphasized the need to engage men and boys in different ways depending on the context. They spoke about the methods used in particular in post conflict situations, in the fight against child marriage and in working with young generations to change social norms.

Men ‘seeing the light’ in Burundi

In a post conflict context in Burundi, CARE’s Advocacy Coordinator Josee highlighted how CARE engages with men in their women’s empowerment program.

“Abatangamuco”- meaning, “the ones who have seen the light’, is an initiative started by CARE. It has now been adopted as national policy and recognized by the Burundian government.  The Abatangamuco are men and boys who travel throughout their communities and share publicly their life stories to encourage others to examine and question the beliefs and practices that support violence. They campaign against GBV, work with couples to develop a better understanding of sexual and reproductive health, and, perhaps most importantly, they seek to model a transformative masculinity that does not involve the need to coerce, control and violate others.
Josee spoke powerfully about the impact that the Abatangamuco have had on their fellow men, and the impact on their families and communities. She explained that one reason why they have managed to do so may be that the Abatangamuco values, while far removed from the model of masculinity that these men were used to identifying with, still resonated with other ideals in the Burundian society.

Young men leading change in the Balkans

CARE’s work with young boys in the Balkans was also presented by John as way to addressing social norms. As part of its global work on men and boys, CARE is implementing the Young men’s initiative (YMI) in several countries in the Balkans, including Serbia, Kosovo, Bosnia. The program aims to promote gender equality and promotes healthier versions of masculinities and manhood.  This involves work within school systems and with Ministries of Education using a gender transformative approach and a youth work approach.  It focuses on young men and adolescents aged 12-17 and its content focuses on building awareness around sexual and reproductive health, sexuality, homophobia, consent, healthy relationships, emotional health, GBV and substance abuse. In addition the program implements a social norms marketing campaign called “Be a Man- Change the rules!”. This public campaign is built around ideas of youth activism, youth leadership and building men as allies and leaders to support women’s organizations.  It also involves working with parents, sports coaches, teachers and other role models for young men.

Men and boys as survivors, partners and allies in tackling norms that foster child marriage

Milkah shared recent findings from the Tipping Point program in Nepal and Bangladesh, highlighting the perspective of child grooms and our effort to more deeply understand the “demand side” of child, early and forced marriage. In these countries, the national average of child marriage is as high as 65%, with higher percentages in rural areas where CARE works. While the age of marriage is rising, early marriage is still common. As Milkah noted, CARE has found thus far that both young boys and young girls would like to marry older. The pressures to marry young are coming from the community, rather than from individuals or families. Drivers and community pressures to marry early vary from region to region, and are linked to cultural and social norms around castes, ethnicity, and the roles of different family members including in-laws, fathers, mothers and brothers. It is clear that in order to truly address the root causes of child, early and forced marriage, we must build our understanding of the roles and perspectives of all sides of the issue.

Conclusion – our key takeaway messages

Addressing the social and cultural norms that allow GBV to be accepted is key to overcoming the problem in the long term. Initiatives that engage men and boys, including traditional, cultural and religious leaders, should be supported and ‘champions’ fostered, to support a transformative agenda.

 1 In a panel on Masculinities, conflict and militarism: how should peace builders respond? organised by SaferWorld, Women Peace Makers Program and Promundo.
 2 In a panel on achieving Beijing: the role of social norms for gender equality organised by the OECD Development Center, the Austrian Development Cooperation and the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of Finland.
 3 In a panel on men, Masculinity and Child Marriage – regional perspectives on the roles of men, organised by AJWS, Care, IWHC, Plan International, Girls Not Brides.