Syria's European widows: Maysa'a's story

34 year old Maysa’a’s husband left for Germany while her parents are far away in Egypt. She is too scared to go out alone so her only regular human contact is with her neighbour. 

My husband Maray left for Germany in August. He used to work illegally in Amman, Jordan but he got caught three times and the choice he was given by the police was to go to the camp or back to Syria. We heard from our neighbours that people were going by themselves to Europe and we preferred this option to the others which we already knew were very bad. We want an education for our children. They used to be the first in their class back in Syria but with the situation here and the schools they no longer are. We heard that life and opportunities in Germany are better.

Right now he is in a camp in Germany and I talk to him every day on WhatsApp and Viber. He travelled for a month to get to Germany. He told me how hard the journey was. He already had a slipped disc before he left and now he has problems with his legs from the cold and from having to walk so far.

I miss my husband so much. I am alone here now without any family, without my mother, father or siblings. Life is so much harder here without him. It’s really hard to pay the rent on our apartment now, and I have to look after the children all by myself. I have to take out debts just in order to pay for things. The other day I was so upset, and when I am upset my children get upset too. When I am upset I cry a lot and I feel so lonely. The only contact I have with people is with my neighbour as I don’t feel safe going outside.  

I have been in Jordan for two years now and my youngest daughter Gazal, who is just over one year old, was born here. She talks with her father on the phone too, but when she hears his voice she cries and then he cries too. Maray misses the children the most of all. I can tell from his voice that he wants to cry and is about to cry.

We are hoping that within a year we will be able to go join him officially in Germany but I am not sure how I will cope alone until then. I have already sold the heaters in the house and taken out debts because already I can’t provide for my family. My husband left in the summer when it was still warm and we didn’t need the heater but now it’s getting cold and I am worried, especially for Gazal. Sometimes I wake worrying about my husband. Last night I didn’t sleep until 3am worrying about him.

All I want is to be with my husband again – I feel safe with him. And I want to continue the education for my children; this is my first goal. Education is the most important thing for the future.

 

Maysa'a lives with her one year old daughter Gazal (above) and two other children in Mafraq, Jordan. Photo: Lucy Beck/CARE.